I Am a Mom to Four Angel Babies

My twin boys after birth at 19 weeks

I know I haven’t been writing much lately—especially after losing our twins—but I want to share a blog post I wrote for MommiNation. In this piece, I explain my infertility struggles along with my two most recent pregnancy losses.

My journey to motherhood is still being written. We don’t yet have any living children, even though we’ve been trying to start our family since 2016. That year, my husband and I got married, bought our first home together, and began our journey toward becoming parents.

Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned.

My Story

I was eight weeks pregnant when I experienced my first miscarriage in 2013. At the time, it seemed to work in my favor because I was running track at The University of Texas on a full scholarship. I had no idea then that this loss would be a foreshadowing of what our future journey to parenthood would look like.

When we were finally ready to grow our family, we experienced another devastating loss. In 2017, when I was just two days shy of being 20 weeks pregnant, I learned that I had a condition called incompetent cervix.

What Is an Incompetent Cervix?

Incompetent cervix affects many women. It occurs when the cervix begins to silently dilate during the second trimester, often leading to preterm birth, premature rupture of membranes, and sometimes infection. The hardest part is that most women don’t know they have an incompetent cervix until it’s too late.

Some women are fortunate enough to catch it early. With bedrest and a rescue cerclage—a stitch placed to close the cervix—they’re able to carry their pregnancy longer.

In my case, a rescue cerclage was placed after my 19-week anatomy scan revealed that I only had 0.5 cm of cervix remaining. I was immediately admitted to the hospital, had the stitch placed, and was sent home on strict bedrest.

Three days later, my journey to motherhood came to a halt.

I woke up to a large gush of mucus and a steady trickling leak. I was readmitted to the hospital, and because my cervix was now open and my mucus plug was gone, my stitch was removed due to the high risk of infection.

I didn’t fully grasp that my pregnancy was ending until I went to the bathroom and felt my amniotic sac bulging out of me. My husband called an ambulance, and within minutes, six firemen were standing around me while I sat frozen on the toilet, terrified to move.

I delivered the next morning.

My husband and I held our son in our arms as we cried together. It was the hardest experience of my life.

Pregnancy Announcement photos for twin pregnancy, Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco

Life After a Second-Trimester Loss

After that loss, I started my blog, Incompetent But Hopeful, to share my experiences and help other women facing similar struggles. I wrote about my losses, infertility, marriage, and even our travels. Women from all over reached out to share their stories—many of them told me about their rainbow babies, the children they had after loss.

Several women with incompetent cervix told me about transabdominal cerclage (TAC) instead of a preventative vaginal cerclage (TVC). That’s when I learned there were other options.

Eventually, we became pregnant again—this time with twin boys.

I delivered them the next day.

Marcel was born still. Marquale was born breathing and lived for about an hour. Once again, my husband and I sat on a hospital bed, crying as we held the beautiful babies we created.

The one thing I wanted most was taken from us—again.

Anger After My Third Loss

This third loss changed something in me. The first losses brought sadness, but this one brought anger.

I was angry because this TAC was supposed to work. I watched other women announce healthy births with their TACs while I left the hospital empty-handed for the second time. I had put my track career on hold for two years. I had made every sacrifice possible to become a mother.

And still—nothing.

Morgan and Marquise

Where We Are Now

I constantly pray for peace for both my husband and me as we continue our journey to parenthood. I know God has a plan, and I ask for patience as I learn to trust it.

I’m grateful that I can share my story, especially with other moms who have angel babies. My goal is not to make anyone feel sorry for me, but to spread awareness. Pregnancy loss is common. It can happen to anyone. And no woman should ever feel ashamed or less than because of it.

God has still been good to us.

I recently traveled to Chicago and had my TAC replaced by Dr. Haney, one of the most respected doctors in the world for this procedure. Women travel from all over to have their TAC placed by him. He assured me that I will get my rainbow babies.

Our journey is not over.

I will not give up.

With love,
Mommi Morgan