Six Years of Our Rainbow: Marae Turns 6

I cannot believe how fast time flies.

Six years ago, I was lying on the operating table in the operating room, so still, so quiet, so overwhelmed. I remember staring at the ceiling lights, barely blinking, trying to steady my breathing. It felt surreal. After everything we had been through… I still couldn’t believe I was finally about to have a healthy, full-term baby.

After experiencing two pregnancy losses in 2017 and 2018, joy felt fragile. Hope felt scary. Even happiness felt like something I had to hold gently, as if it could slip away at any moment. And then it happened. I remember my husband yelling, “It’s a, it’s a GIRL!” once the doctors uncovered her. That moment. That sound. That declaration. It was the most powerful feeling I’ve ever experienced. I had finally done it.

There was once a point where I felt ashamed, ashamed that I couldn’t protect my babies in my womb. Ashamed that my body had failed at something that felt so natural for everyone else. I carried that silently for a long time. But in that operating room, when I heard her cry and saw her tiny face, something inside me healed.

I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t incompetent. God had not forgotten me. Marae was our turning point. She is the real testimony of everything we endured before her arrival. Every tear. Every anxious appointment. Every silent car ride home. Every prayer whispered through clenched teeth. I remember the anxiety so clearly during her pregnancy. Even when everything looked good, I kept thinking something had to be wrong, simply because of what we had experienced before. Trauma has a way of rewriting your expectations. But then we passed 24 weeks. Then 28 weeks. Then 34 weeks.

With every milestone, my faith grew stronger than my fear. And I just knew. We were finally getting our rainbow baby. “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” — Proverbs 31:25

Marae is truly the rainbow after the storm. After the darkest clouds. After the loudest thunder. After the seasons that tried to drown us. God painted the sky with her. And now she is SIX.

Six years of her laughter filling our home.
Six years of her bright ideas and even brighter personality.
Six years of watching her step into who God created her to be.

She is smart. She is intelligent. She is funny. She is incredibly gifted in so many ways. She carries a light that cannot be dimmed. Sometimes I look at her and still see that tiny baby being lifted above the curtain in the OR. And sometimes I see the young girl she is becoming, confident, kind, curious, bold. She doesn’t fully understand yet what her life represents in our story. But one day she will. She is proof that grief and joy can coexist. She is proof that God restores. She is proof that storms do not last forever.

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” — Psalm 30:5

Marae, we love you more than words could ever express. Thank you for blessing us every single day with your presence. Thank you for choosing us. Thank you for being our testimony walking in the flesh. You changed our lives.

Happy 6th Birthday to our beautiful rainbow. 🌈

Love always,
Mommy 🤍