As My Due Date Approaches

Depression is starting to set in as my due date slowly approaches. It’s hard enough seeing babies being born all around me—siblings, friends, other relatives, even celebrities. Now I have to sit with the thoughts of what could have been me.

My life would have changed forever around April 3rd. I would have been a mom. And being a mom is something I have always dreamed of. As soon as we got married, we started trying to conceive. It took us a while to get pregnant, and along the way we faced many obstacles, including missed miscarriages—when you miscarry before even knowing you’re pregnant—and infertility.

I also had a uterine polyp, basically a blockage in my uterus, that had to be surgically removed. Two months after my polyp removal, we finally got pregnant. That day was the happiest day of my life. I found out I was pregnant just two days before my birthday—what an incredible birthday gift from God.

I knew there was an increased risk of miscarriage during the first trimester, so I understood I wasn’t in the clear yet. I couldn’t fully enjoy my first trimester because I was constantly worrying. But once I entered my second trimester, I finally felt at ease. I truly believed I was going to deliver a healthy baby. All of my test results were normal. My ultrasounds were normal.

Never in a million years did I think something like an incompetent cervix would strip my pride and joy away from me. But it did. And now here I am, sitting with sadness as my due date approaches. I wish things could have turned out differently, but the past is something you simply can’t change.

So now I’m left thinking about how I should celebrate my baby on his due date. I’ve heard of many women releasing balloons in honor of their angels, and I find myself leaning toward that idea. If you can think of anything meaningful, please leave me a comment. Thank you for following me through my journey.

With love, and Happy Easter (Resurrection Day),
Mrs. Goodwin