We Are 19 Weeks

Yesterday was an eventful day, as it officially marked 19 weeks of pregnancy. First and foremost, I just want to thank God for blessing us with another opportunity to be pregnant again.

For those of you reading this blog for the first time, my wife has previously struggled with an incompetent cervix. Her condition caused complications during our last two pregnancies, and unfortunately, things did not end well.

We lost our singleton son on November 12, 2017, at 19 weeks and 5 days. Then, on November 25, 2018, we lost our twin boys at 19 weeks and 4 days.

No one truly understands the struggle that comes with pregnancy loss unless they’ve experienced it themselves. Because of that, we feel inclined to share our story in hopes of helping others who may be walking a similar path.

Nineteen Weeks Again

Here we are—19 weeks exactly, in our third pregnancy in three years.

As you can imagine, my wife is on edge. Given our past experiences, she has every right to be. If she feels anything at all, she’s calling the doctor to make sure everything is okay. I believe her anxiety comes from how her body responded during this same timeframe in previous pregnancies.

Obviously, I’ve never been pregnant, so I can’t speak to how she feels internally. But from my perspective, what she’s experiencing may actually be more good than bad. Aside from some minor cramps, I think she’s becoming more aware of the baby as it continues to grow daily. Feeling the baby move more often—and having a growing uterus—can be overwhelming, especially after everything she’s been through.

What may feel alarming to her is likely just the baby growing, stretching, and doing what babies do.

My Perspective

As for me, I’m not nervous—not now, and honestly, I wasn’t very nervous the other times either. You might wonder why, and the answer is simple: my faith in God.

That’s not to say my wife lacks faith—she doesn’t. She has incredible faith. She prays constantly and dives into the Word even more than I do at times. I’ve just experienced so much in my life that I’ve learned to fully give certain things to God and let Him handle them.

One of my favorite scriptures—one I turn to whenever I feel like giving up or begin questioning God’s plan—is Proverbs 3:5–6:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

This scripture brings me so much comfort because I truly believe it—wholeheartedly. Whether our baby is born or not is ultimately God’s decision, not mine. So why worry about something completely out of my control?

Our visit with the doctor was nothing short of encouraging. Mo’s cervix is as long as ever, and the baby is healthy and growing.

And for that, we thank God.

— Quise