Losing A Baby Affects Everything and Everyone Around You
Losing my baby affected everything and everyone around me, especially myself. My body, mind, and soul are into shreds. Even though I am surrounded by loving people who care, I am still surrounded by people who can give two craps about me.
I still constantly think about the “what if’s,” it’s just natural to do so. Every time I look on Instagram, one of my followers are announcing a pregnancy or announcing the birth of their baby. I guess I just need to stay off social media for a while. But it’s not just social media either.
Every time I get sad or upset, my son is the first thing I think about. Then I begin to cry and I am constantly reminded. I don’t cry because of the situation, I cry because I don’t feel whole. Part of me is gone forever, and I won’t get it back. I think about my loss and I begin to cry. I’m an emotional rollercoaster.
It goes on and on and on…
My situation changed me forever. As a person, as a wife, as a sister, as a friend, as a daughter, etc. It’s pisses me off when my loved ones around me don’t even recognize my pain. I am a wreck, but still I try to be strong. I try to be strong for those around me and those other women who are going through the same thing.
No matter how much I smile, laugh, or joke, remember this: I am hurting inside. The hurt that seems UNREAL and UNBEARABLE to you is REAL to me. No matter what I go through, I know that I am not alone, even though it feels that way. But that doesn’t mean that this doesn’t hurt.
To all my angel moms out there reading my blog, thank you for your support. Keep pushing and stay strong. You are not alone. I too am a grieving volcano waiting to rupture at any moment. Hang in there. I can’t tell you that it will get better because it hasn’t gotten better for me. But I do know that some days are better than others.