Losing A Baby Affects Everything and Everyone Around You

Experiencing Loss / Sunday, April 22nd, 2018

Losing A Baby Affects Everything and Everyone Around You

Losing my baby affected everything and everyone around me, especially myself. My body, mind, and soul are into shreds. Even though I am surrounded by loving people who care, I am still surrounded by people who can give two craps about me.

I still constantly think about the “what if’s,” it’s just natural to do so. Every time I look on Instagram, one of my followers are announcing a pregnancy or announcing the birth of their baby. I guess I just need to stay off social media for a while. But it’s not just social media either.

Every time I get sad or upset, my son is the first thing I think about. Then I begin to cry and I am constantly reminded. I don’t cry because of the situation, I cry because I don’t feel whole. Part of me is gone forever, and I won’t get it back. I think about my loss and I begin to cry. I’m an emotional rollercoaster.

It goes on and on and on…

My situation changed me forever. As a person, as a wife, as a sister, as a friend, as a daughter, etc. It’s pisses me off when my loved ones around me don’t even recognize my pain. I am a wreck, but still I try to be strong. I try to be strong for those around me and those other women who are going through the same thing.

No matter how much I smile, laugh, or joke, remember this: I am hurting inside. The hurt that seems UNREAL and UNBEARABLE to you is REAL to me. No matter what I go through, I know that I am not alone, even though it feels that way. But that doesn’t mean that this doesn’t hurt.

To all my angel moms out there reading my blog, thank you for your support. Keep pushing and stay strong. You are not alone. I too am a grieving volcano waiting to rupture at any moment. Hang in there. I can’t tell you that it will get better because it hasn’t gotten better for me. But I do know that some days are better than others.


Mrs. Goodwin


12 Replies to “Losing A Baby Affects Everything and Everyone Around You”

  1. I love reading your blog post! I am praying for you and your strength. God has you wrapped in his arms!

    God Bless!

  2. It will get easier. The feeling of loss never really goes away it just becomes bearable. It’s been 17 years since I’ve loss my first child when I was 7 months pregnant. To share your story helps not only you but many others. This post brought many memories and tears. Others may not understand especially if they have never experienced this type of loss. You will make it through one day at a time. Thank you for sharing. 🙏🏾

  3. You are so brave for sharing all of this. I have never experienced any of the pain you are going though but I’m sending you virtual hugs. One day your arms will be full and your heart will be made whole.

  4. I love this post so much! I can 100% relate to this! Stay strong mama, from one angel mommy to another 💙

  5. I am sorry for your loss and pain! May God give you peace and understanding through this hard time in your life! The struggle is real….

  6. You put into words exactly how I feel and could never express! We lost our son in August 2016 at 18 weeks from PPROM and it’s a struggle some days and other days I am ok. I saw your story on Instagram first and was instantly drawn towards you and your story. I felt like it might be what happened to us since my obgyn did not have a clue what happened. Because of you I know more on TAC and am planning to get mine placed next year. You are such an inspiration and I will keep you guys in my prayers. Just keep your head up the best you can and rely on loved ones that care and God. With him anything is possible!

  7. Each day gets better, but it never goes away. I’ve learned over the years that my son is my Angel, and protects us. It’s almost like you feel their presence because you’ll have a perfectly normal day, and out of the blue you remember , you see the last image of him that you had in your mind. Your son will always be with you and his strength will get you past the difficult timed.

  8. I am a strong a true believer of God’s timing and his plan for you. While I may not fully grasp the pain you have and can only imagine it (I am a mom)….just know God had his reason for needing your angel, one that you will never understand but accept his timing and be patient. Until then, God has you. I know not easy but I hope you find comfort in the Lord each time a sad thought passes through. God’s plan!

    BTW, I enjoy your blog and your realness. It’s lovely to see young couples committed and good role models, you should both be proud.

  9. It sounds crazy, but it’ll improve. It won’t be all the way “better”, it never will. But it won’t be as bad as it is. We lost our firs torn baby girl at 37 weeks 5 days. A little Iver 6 years ago, which sounds CRAZY-SIX Years. You just get better at surviving it, day by day. And I don’t know about you, but it will never not irritate me to hear “it was God’s plan”, people think it sounds comforting because they’ve never had the misfortune of having their child, their baby, their hopes and dreams and future ripped from them senselessly. Hang in there, it seems impossible but one day you’ll look back and realize it used to be worse,but it will never be ok.

  10. Thanks for sharing our stories. You write it so well and Express the roller coaster of emotions correctly. The anger, the frustration, trying to feel normal, be happy and all the while wondering “what if”.

    I started following you the day I saw your loss reposted on some other page. I believe it was a few weeks after mine but we lost our sons during the same week of pregnancy. It’s been a year and five months now. My baby was actually due July 25, 2017.

    It definitely changed me for the better. I am aware. I am alert. And I communicate with my son(SUN) regularly because his spirit walks with me all day.

    So in the end I am grateful for it all. The pregnancy. The loss. The grief. The belly that still looks pregnant and people hint daily that I am pregnant again. The weak bladder. The TWW now as we’re back TTC. The back pain. The fear. Still grateful.

    I pray for us as we await our rainbow babies. I know they are coming. Ase (Amen)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.