My Nephew Was Just Born, But I’m Not Sure How I’m Suppose To Feel
I am excited to announce the birth of my baby nephew, Zy’ahir. However, right now I’m trying to figure out how I’m suppose to feel. I’m not really sure how I’m suppose to feel. I am so happy for my sister, Ashley, and glad she delivered a healthy baby. At the same time, I am saddened that I didn’t get to bring home my bundle of joy.
You see, I was there for her brith. I was also there through most of her ups and downs. While laboring, she was told she would need to have a c-section because she wasn’t making anymore progress. She refused to sign the paper (the forms giving the doctors permission to perform the c-section) for sometime before realizing this was the only way for her to deliver her unborn son.
I thank God for allowing me to be there for her at this time. She was in distraught learning that she could only have one person in there with her. She chose ME! I was so happy and nervous at the same time. When the doctors pulled him out, tears immediately ran down my face. Carrying life and bringing life in this world is the best thing in the world, HANDS DOWN!
My sister and I was pregnant at the same time. I was exactly two-weeks after her. My mother was suppose to have two grand-babies born around the same time. Unfortunately, she only gets the blessing of one grand-baby. I always wonder how she feels about losing a grandchild. Sometimes I wonder if people even remember we lost a baby.
My sister has two boys now. My nephew, Reshardius, is 7-years old. I love him so much. Everyone always says he looks like he could be my child. He’s getting so big now and growing up so fast. This is why I love coming back home, so I can see how much he has learned.
The Game Changer…
So, how do I feel about all of this? I feel hurt and happy at the same time. I guess this is normal. Its hard to understand. I can’t quite grasp the situation I am in. My baby nephew is so handsome. I can’t even imagine how my baby boy would’ve looked. All I know is he looked just like his father.
I constantly stare at my nephew. And I constantly find myself staring at my sister wishing it was me holding my baby. I wish everything would’ve happened as planned but it didn’t. So I am sitting here right now thinking about how I am suppose to feel. Am I suppose to feel happy, sad, mad, jealous, or okay? Is it wrong to be a little jealous?
My nephew was born on March 12th. My stillbirth was on November 12th. In addition, my father-in-law passed December 12th. And my great-grandfather-in-law passed away the day before the birth of my nephew. WHAT IS GOING ON? With millions of thoughts running through my head, I just can’t seem to get past this one. I guess it might just take some time. Will I always look at my nephew and think about baby Goodwin? I guess only time will tell.
Please leave me a comment if you’ve experienced the same thing. It doesn’t matter if you were pregnant at the same time with your sister, it could’ve been a friend, a relative, or someone you met with the same due date. Please let me know how you felt and tell me how you dealt with your feelings.
I appreciate those of you who consistently read my blog posts. Thank you so much. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.