That Feeling of Self-Resentment… Don’t Beat Yourself Up.
Honestly, I hated myself after losing my baby. I hated my body because of what it had done. How could my body do this to me? When my body didn’t cooperate, I went through a period of self-resentment.
After losing a baby, you may feel as though everything is your fault. I know I did. You may feel like if you would’ve done this, then maybe you could have saved your baby’s life. Truth is… You don’t know and won’t ever know.
Don’t beat yourself up. The devil is a liar! I remember feeling like I was the one to blame. I kept thinking to myself, maybe if I would’ve slept on my back instead of my side then maybe my sac wouldn’t have ruptured. Or maybe I shouldn’t have showered every night. All of these “what if’s” ran in my head.
I didn’t sleep well. All night, I would toss and turn in the bed wondering “what if.” I felt awful after my loss. It came down to the point where I had to take medicine to sleep. I swore up and down everything was my fault. But it wasn’t my fault. Life took its course and that’s that.
It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t my husband’s fault, it wasn’t anybody’s fault. If you’re going through a loss and you find yourself blaming yourself, STOP! Understand that you did everything in your power to keep your baby in your womb. It’s a mother’s instinct to protect her child.
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
Unfortunately, some of our bodies won’t hold up through a pregnancy. Again, don’t beat yourself up. Pray about it. Ask the lord to give you the strength and guidance to move on knowing that you did everything you could. Your body is a temple, designed to bare this type of pain. Love yourself and love your body. You are blessed.