That Feeling of Self-Resentment… Don’t Beat Yourself Up.

Experiencing Loss / Sunday, February 11th, 2018

That Feeling of Self-Resentment… Don’t Beat Yourself Up.

Honestly, I hated myself after losing my baby. I hated my body because of what it had done. How could my body do this to me? When my body didn’t cooperate, I went through a period of self-resentment.

After losing a baby, you may feel as though everything is your fault. I know I did. You may feel like if you would’ve done this, then maybe you could have saved your baby’s life. Truth is… You don’t know and won’t ever know.

Don’t beat yourself up. The devil is a liar! I remember feeling like I was the one to blame. I kept thinking to myself, maybe if I would’ve slept on my back instead of my side then maybe my sac wouldn’t have ruptured. Or maybe I shouldn’t have showered every night. All of these “what if’s” ran in my head.

I didn’t sleep well. All night, I would toss and turn in the bed wondering “what if.” I felt awful after my loss. It came down to the point where I had to take medicine to sleep. I swore up and down everything was my fault. But it wasn’t my fault. Life took its course and that’s that.

It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t my husband’s fault, it wasn’t anybody’s fault. If you’re going through a loss and you find yourself blaming yourself, STOP! Understand that you did everything in your power to keep your baby in your womb. It’s a mother’s instinct to protect her child.

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

Unfortunately, some of our bodies won’t hold up through a pregnancy. Again, don’t beat yourself up. Pray about it. Ask the lord to give you the strength and guidance to move on knowing that you did everything you could. Your body is a temple, designed to bare this type of pain. Love yourself and love your body. You are blessed.

With love,

Morgan Goodwin

8 Replies to “That Feeling of Self-Resentment… Don’t Beat Yourself Up.”

  1. So touching .. God bless u and love u grad u happy and doing fine .. more kids in the future never worry just God s time 💕💕💕

  2. You are so beautiful, strong, courageous and resilient. I commend you for sharing your story, as I am sure it has helped and will continue to help others enduring the same pain. Sending love and hugs to you! ❤️❤️

  3. I can understand. Your heartfelt expressions help me understand how my daughter in law must feel. I hope she knows that I don’t blame her.
    Thank you Morgan.

  4. Your strength, grace and positivity is amazing! My husband and I just had our second miscarriage in 4 months. The self-resentment, the what if’s, the why and the enormous amount of sadness is exactly what goes through my head every moment of every day. My husband is a huge 49ers fan and your story has touched us in so many ways. There are moments I want to give up but then I see something from you or your husband that remind me to keep fighting and to trust in god. Thank you for sharing your story. Your bravery and unwavering faith in god inspire me each day. God bless you and thank you 🙏✝️💗

  5. So true, I went through the same feelings after my loss in October, I had a healthy baby and my body couldn’t hold him , I just consumed myself with these thoughts of what if and then I decided that no matter what or how I felt it wasn’t my fault. I had to pray and get into my word to make me stronger. I love your blog because you write so much truth and encouragement. It is definitely needed when going through something like this.

  6. Thank u for talking about it it definitely helps knowing we are not out there alone. That’s exactly how I been feeling that what if this , what if that.. I just have to stay positive even though at times it’s been hard. Love reading your blog
    Lana ❤️

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