My Husband Will Never Know

Experiencing Loss / Friday, December 29th, 2017

My Husband Will Never Know

My husband will never know how painful losing a baby really is. Losing a baby is just something that most people wouldn’t understand, especially men. For me at least, I feel like men would never understand. They didn’t get pregnant, their bodies didn’t change, and they don’t have to give birth. On the other hand, they do come home empty handed. Coming home empty handed is the most painful to say the least. Also, seeing other women around you have their babies and bring home their bundles of joy home is painful.

My husband was there and witnessed me give birth to our son. He was able to hold him and love on him before giving him up. Seeing him cry was awful. However, we found joy in our whole experience and it brought us even closer together. I found myself wanting to be near my husband all day, everyday. Whenever my husband isn’t around, I feel neglected.  I feel empty. My husband is my protection. Together we have this bond that no one else would ever understand, this goes for all marriages. It’s not to be understood by another couple or individual. What works for us, might not work for your relationship.

Our relationship is sacred. We did everything the right way. Got married, bought a house, and attempted to start a family. We came up short and we came home empty handed. And that is simply what happened. When I say my husband will never know, I say that to throw out facts and state the obvious. He won’t understand because he isn’t a woman. He didn’t deal with hormonal changes, morning sickness (some men experience this), weight gain (some men experience this), and he didn’t have to give birth. No matter how much we talk about “what happened,” my husband will never know.

With love,

Morgan Goodwin

One Reply to “My Husband Will Never Know”

  1. But our poor husbands just go through it differently. I feel so bad for them. Our friends jury had a full term stillborn, 6 years after us, and I emphasize to make sure they take care of each other and don’t forget him. I had a csection with my stillborn and rainbow baby, so my husband had to plan the funeral solo, while I recovered and God was I a mess. He felt he had to be the strength for us and I so much regret him feeling like he had to hold it together for us, he lost his daughter too but everyone focused on me, that is what we naturally do. You’re so right about feeling neglected when he’s gone though and the unshakeable bond it will build between husband and wife. If a couple survives this they have a bond nobody could understand.

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