It seems like it was just yesterday when I lost my baby boy due to an incompetent cervix. My pregnancy was going great, as far as I had known. I had no morning sickness, no aches besides my itchy growing belly, and my baby was healthy. I had my anatomy scan done at 19 weeks 0 days, which is when my pregnancy turned from going great to going completely wrong.
At my 19-week scan, as they were measuring my baby and checking his heart and brain development, I was nervous and scared but the sonographer said everything looked great. HOWEVER, when she checked my cervix she got a little quiet. Before she did the transvaginal ultrasound of my cervix, two other women came into the room. One was a doctor and the other woman was an assistant.
The doctor started asking me all types of questions, which is when I knew something wasn’t quite right. “Did you have any bleeding or discharge?” “Have you been feeling any contractions?” “Have you had any menstrual cramps?” The answer was NO! I am scared out of my mind at this point. She then said, “the reason I am asking these question is because while measuring your cervix I noticed that your cervix has shortened.”
I had to make a quick decision to save my baby’s life. Either I can just do nothing or have a rescue cerclage put in immediately followed by progesterone suppositories. I chose to get the rescue cerclage to keep my baby inside of me. I also heard about the cerclage and how it helps other women. Before I could get the cerclage, I had to have amniocentesis (a procedure where the doctor retrieves some of the baby’s amniotic fluid using a needle) first to make sure I didn’t have any infections before they placed the cerclage. Lucky for me, I didn’t have any infection, so I checked myself into the hospital that night and had the procedure done in the morning.
Everything was going great after the surgery, until I woke up three days later to a big gush of mucus and then I started leaking. I freaked out and told my husband to take me to the hospital. We got to the hospital, they checked the fluid that was leaking, and told me they had to remove the cerclage because of increased risk of infection. At this point, I still had high hopes.
After the stitch was removed, my high-risk doctor came in and told me I have two options. I can take medication to induce labor or I can try bedrest and hope to make it to 23 weeks. Once I hit 23 weeks I can check myself into the hospital and stay until I deliver. I chose to go home on bedrest and pray that my baby would stay inside of me. They saw no contractions after monitoring me and sent me on my merry way back home.
Later that same evening, I went to the bathroom to take a bowel movement. My husband came with me because I was so scared of pushing the baby out by accident. I didn’t push or anything because I was afraid of my baby coming out of me. Low and behold, after finishing my bowel movement, I started feeling something come out of my vagina. IT WAS MY SAC!
We immediately called my doctor and 911; this was around 10pm. Help arrived at my apartment within 5 minutes. I was still sitting on the toilet with my sac bulging out, surrounded by several firefighters and EMT men asking me a thousand questions. They loaded me up on the stretcher and we made our way to the hospital. They wheeled me to L&D (Labor & Delivery) where I met up with the same doctor who removed my cerclage.
Only this time I had only one option; I had to deliver my baby. I was broken at this point. The doctor explained that since my bag was out in the open I could catch a really bad infection that could potentially lead to my uterus being taken out all together. The only option was to deliver my baby even though he wasn’t viable. Just let that soak in a little. Just imagine yourself knowing that your baby that’s still healthy and kicking inside of you, won’t have a chance of survival once you deliver him.
I was already 2 cm dilated which is why my sac was sliding out of me. They ended up giving me medication to induce labor around 11pm. My husband and I, laid in the bed and tried to get some rest because he had a game that next day. As contractions got worse and worse, I asked for pain medicine every hour. My contractions kept waking me up. I had a dose at 1am and then 2am. Around 3am I woke up again, and asked if I could get the epidural at this point. By this time, it was too late.
My contractions began to slowly push my baby out. I didn’t even get a chance to push, I wasn’t trying to push because I was scared. I screamed to my husband and nurse, “what’s coming out, I feel something in between my legs!” I ended up having another contraction and my husband said, “I see our baby’s legs.” The doctor came in just in time before my next contraction. I was having contractions every 2 minutes but lasted for a whole minute. The doctor then said, “just try and give me a big push.”
I pushed and I felt a big gush of everything falling out of me. At that point, I knew my baby had been born and now DEAD; I gave birth to our son at 3:52am on Sunday, November 12, 2017. My husband and I watched the doctor cut open my sac and our son’s umbilical cord. They cleaned him off and gave him back to us. At that moment, even though a very traumatic experience, I felt that joy of holding my baby after giving birth. I was happy but also devastated, but my happiness took over at that point.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (Corinthians 4:8-9).
Our son looked just like his father, all the way. He had his forehead, nose, mouth, lips, fingers, and toes. I couldn’t do nothing but smile. I was able to keep him with me until I discharged that Sunday night. Hubby had a game the same day I gave birth, and I convinced him to play so that me and Baby Goodwin can watch him play. To our surprise, my hubby scored his first touchdown of the season and his team won their first game of the season. The San Francisco 49ers hadn’t won a game yet. With all the sadness, there was peace in it all.
I believe it was a blessing and a curse to feel baby movements around 16 weeks. For a first time mom, thats pretty early to feel anything. I wonder if I never felt his movements, would I be as hurt as I am today. I thought I was super lucky, but I ended up getting the short end of the stick. Right now, I am just trying to be positive about everything. I know that God is behind me 100 percent and I still have faith. I will soon have my rainbow baby one day.
Right now, if you’re reading our story, please continue to pray for us. And thank you to those who have been keeping us I your prayers and thanks to my IC (Incompetent Cervix) sisters for the support.